HANNAH TAKES THE STAIRS by JOE SWANBERG

Again as with KissingOnTheMouth, didn’t Dislike. Main thing I disliked was Main Character Hannah! Again Swanberg’s film shows how corrupt, empty, toxic, chaotic is the Modern Wimminz. Yet here she’s more of a “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” that all the beta guys fall in love with, and she of course can’t make up her miiiiiiind and dumps them all, and even ADMITS to leaving a “wake of destruction” in her path.

MANGINA REHAB (term stolen from Rocking Mr E): When the Wimminz ADMITS to leaving a wake of destruction, BELIEVE her. I know you’re not usually supposed to listen to / believe what Wimminz say, but here’s a big exception.

Diff bw this and Kissing on the Mouth is that Greta Gerwig really is a good find for Swanberg. I personally find her very cute and I might have been taken in by her “Manic Pixie-ness”. Part of why she can get away with it is because she’s YOUNG. This was 2007 and she looked quite young. Even though she was technically over the peak, she still looked close enough to the peak, and she wasn’t declining rapidly. Now in 2012 however, she looks much older and much less cute (ok, she actually looks pretty good for 29) and wouldn’t be able to get away with as much Wimminz BS like in this movie when she was 23.

Thought to myself: wanted to see a sequel that takes place 5 years later. “All of the sudden”, guys stop being in LUV with her, people stop finding her so Cute, she gets called more on her immature BS. What does she do THEN?

All a bunch of SWPL Chicago 20-something Brahmins. She’s an UNPAID INTERN in a “Production Company.” Andrew Bujalski and Kent Osborn play writers here. Then there are two secretaries/adminassts/interns, and the owner, who is honestly hilarious, but completely incompetent. “Hannah” either shows Swanberg’s own Naive Brahmin Distance from the Real Non-SWPL World; OR it’s an intentionally naivete. Again, Southern Illinois Univ is not screamingly Brahmin, and I think Swanberg is Honest AND Insightful enough to understand Real Life is not like this, so he’s intentionally making things all rosy-coloured. The good thing is he succeeds, and I willfully entered and somewhat enjoyed this fantasy world.

Again, the men are a lot nicer, kinder, better people than the Wimminz; here, the only Wimminz is Gerwig and her seldom-seen, even more idiotic roommate. The men aren’t MUCH smarter; ALL these people are IDIOTS. If THEY can get a BIGBOY JOB where they SIT AROUND ALL DAY AND THROW A NERF BALL BACK AND FORTH AND ARE ALWAYS OUT TO LUNCH, then so can I!

Mark Duplass plays her First Boyfriend, and I didn’t expect to like him at all, but I did. He was a lot more Handsome than I expected a Mumblecore Duplass to be. Almost a more handsome, more masculine version of John Krasinski, that huge pvssy. So Duplass was a huge musician loser who quit his job (never hear what it was) because he wasn’t haaaaaappy with it, but he didn’t seem unhappy at all. He seemed like a nice, friendly, happy-go-lucky guy that even I wouldn’t have a problem socializing with. But Hannah dumps him, just like she dumps every guy.

She has THREE “BOIFRANS” in the under-90-minute movie. She gets very fleeting “crushes”, then gets bored quickly, then dumps them. She “dates” (ie Slurps-n-TIUTAs) BOTH of the writers she WORKS with, and gives NO indication that that’s a wrong, scumbag thing to do. When she dumps Duplass, he goes out of his way to NOT get angry or emotional, like “ok I have no say in this, I have no right to have any feelings about this, you’re right, whatever you want, and I’m ALSO gonna do you the convenience of “dumping” YOU, because I can tell you want to dump me but don’t have the balls to say it.”

Not a poorly-written scene, QUITE to the contrary, it reveals a lot about Hannah and Her Weird Brahmin world filled with Beta Orbiters!

I thought it was interesting that you NEVER SEE DUPLASS AGAIN after that. Very cleanly, conveniently DELETED and replaced with another in a series of c0cks on the immediately post-peak (post-Colllllllege) Carousel.

The Next c0ck is Bujalski or “Booj” as he is known. Buj was my introduction to the world of Mumblecore, & I enjoyed “Mutual Appreciation” AND “Beeswax” quite a bit. I liked his character in “Hannah”, he’s less of a SWPL hipster and more of a huge dorky nerd beta and LOOKS it with his shirt and khakis and non-hipster glasses, but still a nice but non-self-deprecating guy. Likeable. Shame that he probably doesn’t pull as “good” as Gerwig just because he’s comfortable/SECURE looking like a nerd. So she “dates” (ie, slurrrrrrrrpppppp! TIUTA!) him for 10 minutes before she becomes vaguely dissatisfied with one little nonspecific imaginary thing, and decides to dump Buj for his FRIEND and COWORKER that they ALL HANG OUT WITH AND WORK WITH. This is SUCH Typical Wimminz Behaviour, so in THAT way it’s realistic. I really wanted to see Hannah called out for her sh1tty behaviour, but since everyone kisses her 4ss all the time, she doesn’t even KNOW it’s sh1tty. She thinks it’s OK to act this way. Which is why I want to see a sequel, “Hannah at 30”, suddenly finding she can’t act like a SPOILED CHILD anymore!

Buj was clearly upset when she Dumped him, but even he regains composure quickly and sez “Okayyyyy” and shuffles meekly away rather than getting angry at her.

The opening titles and use of the 1812 overture and trumpets were good.

Gonna have to read some reviews on this one. Because Gerwig is So Young and Cute, she’s VERY effective at casting this SPELL where you might forget that she’s actually a PILE OF CRAP, which everyone in this movie also conveniently forgets. Even SHE doesn’t know she’s a pile of crap.

Even if the movie was in a Fantasy World, the men at least had a warmth, heart, honesty, & likeability, just like in Swanberg’s KOtM and the Bujalski Stuff.

SUMMARY: Mumblecore MEN are OK, Mumblecore WIMMINZ, like non-Mumblecore Wimminz, are Big Overrated Piles of Crap, and prob moreso.

Would LIKE to see Swanberg (or Bujalski!) apply their Male Likeability & Honesty to:

something OTHER than a SWPL, Brahmin, Collegeboy, or fantasy World

where MEN work Real, Long, Believable Bigboy Jobs

where MEN go out to the crapbar after their long, tiring jobs, and can’t even get DUMPED by wimminz of lesser attractiveness than Gerwig, because they can’t even find wimminz to TIUTA from them in the FIRST PLACE.  Maybe a Lower Vaisya milieu? Still studying Moldbug’s Caste Distinctions haha, but “Hannah” was surely str8 Brahmin.

Swanberg’s made 9000 films, so I STILL need to watch MORE to see if he FINALLY makes a Moral Judgement on these PILE O’ CRAP WIMMINZ already. I suppose it’s not a good sign that he hasn’t done it in the two movies I have seen so far. I WANT him to.

These Swanberg Men are KINDA Beta, but they’re not beta enough to take this kind of CRAP without SAYING anything. That’s the main thing that surprised me about this movie.

These men getting dumped by some Wimminz who really should be GETTING dumped herself aren’t allowed to even have an OPINION, just sit there and take it like a little b1tch and say “OK, You’re Right, Whatever Cupcake Wants, You don’t owe me any Severance Bangs for this Flaky Wimminz Bullcrap.”

The REAL travesty is that they’re blinded by her Young Body and coquettish, cutesy, pixieish ways, and SHE Dumps THEM BEFORE they discover she’s got no redeeming qualities other than having S3x with her Body. Otherwise – if they had banged her maybe 5 or 10 or 20 more times – they’d CLEARLY come to the conclusion that this isn’t worth it. She’s an Annoying Nutcase. Instead, they GET dumped at that unfortunate time when they pathetically LIKE her the MOST. Forget HER. If you watch this with a Wimminz and she Does NOT Blatantly Disapprove of Hannah – or god forbid LIKES Hannah or finds her kewl or kute or inspiring or empowering or fun etc – that’s a Big4ss Red Flag. Pump & Dump.

Still like Swanberg’s style though, just wish he’d stop focusing on these Looney Toons Wimminz, or at least start taking a Moral Side and SAYING they’re Huge Piles Of Bullcrap, and/or focus more on Real Vaisya Men, hahaha.

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